New York, Susquehanna & Western
Edward S. Kaminski
PATERSON, N.J. – When you gotta go, you gotta go. One New Jersey man learned that lesson in more ways than one this week when he fell into a river ahead of an oncoming train while allegedly defecating off a railroad bridge, NorthJersey.com reports.
According to reports, a New York, Susquehanna & Western crew reported seeing a man with his pants down on a bridge over the Passaic River. The man was allegedly relieving himself and tried to get the slow moving train to stop but it was unable to. It is unclear if the train struck the man man or if he jumped at the last second.
First responders were able to fish the man out of the water and take him to the hospital.
It is unclear if the man will face criminal charges.
Probably not how he thought his day was going to go when he got out of bed that morning.
No shit!
What was it the guy said in the movie “Speed” just before his car hit the sand filled barricades?
Having the train show up then must have been a real pain in the ass.
Maybe the guy should have used his behind to sound two long blasts and one short blast to get the train to stop.
Hope everything came out alright.
Best story in Trains ever?
(p)Oops!
Gotta go poo-poo, choo-choo!
“It is unclear if the man will face criminal charges.” …….What?!
Ladies and gentlemen we are now passing sh!t bridge. Please watch your step.
Can you imagine his nickname if, in fact, he actually goes to jail?
I guess we finally have the answer to the question posed in the old UPS commercial, “What can brown do for you?”
And are the rumors true that the kindly train crew tossed a roll of TP to the guy as they passed by?
Hot cha cha cha, I got a million of ’em!
…because you can’t make up something this bizarre.
Hope he jumped upstream.
Awww crap.
One giant dump for mankind.
George, the way this stupid world is behaving, you could be right!!!!
The railroad and the train crew will be indicted by the feds for violating the trespasser’s civil rights. The case will go all the way to the US Supreme Court, which will find, in a landmark decision upholding the conviction of the defendants, that there is an implied constitutional right to poop in peace, citing precedent going back to the first outhouse overturning in colonial times.
Maybe the train scared the @$it out of him….
I can imagine the old head telling the rookie engineer, “Now, son, bringing the train across this bridge is a real crap shoot.”
Well, I have no doubt that he efficiently accomplished his original task for being on the bridge once that train showed up.
Let’s examine the thought process behind this:
“Where can I take a dump and no one will EVER know?” . . . AHA, I got it, out here on this bridge! Ahhhhhhh. OH CHIT!!! HOLY CRAP!!!
Will I be fined by the EPA for doing this? Will they bring Brian Williams out of retirement at NBC to cover this on the news? Will mom bring up that clean underwear thing if I have to be hospitalized?
Oh, I’ll just jump.
And that, as Paul Harvey used to say is the rest of the story.
Truth is stranger than fiction!
Henceforth and forever the Susquehanna Railroad will now be calling this the #2 train.